The Memoirs I wish I Could Write Page 198

closing, this has been the hardest chapter to consider and write. To signify the end, be reassured that I am completely satisfied with the outcome. No better argument could have been made than this 199 page syllogism for a life transformed from trembling, shaking, ill-informed, misidentified into free, hopeful, and true. I have not failed in my attempt to allow you a peek into a life filled with love abounding in limitations, exceptional boundaries and unnecessary feelings of angst.

But I have failed.

I have fallen.

I have taken the road often travelled.

And yet, I am an individual with strength surpassing any hint of reasonable understanding. Yes, with the inclusion of Jane, Josh, Eric, and Danielle, I have been lost, confused, placed in utter chaos. But, I rise. I Live. I Love. I still Love.

It is often said that the courageous only die once, compared to the coward whose death is countless. Only the coward dies once. It takes a man of strong conviction to die daily, to kill his "self" and continue the journey of a burdened cross.

God is my all. Without my successful ability to fail, without the many mistakes and valleys I've had to climb out of, He would simply be another stranger, a lonely man on the bench of despair, and I would be left empty in my loneliness.

My scarlet days are over. I live on to live freely. No one ever lives unless they die first. I guess this was what Complete, full resignation meant. Without the loss of Jane and Josh I would have never loved Eric and Danielle.

But more so, I would have never Loved.

And as always, to say good-bye to a level of consistency, a focal project, a

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