The Philosophers Agony.

I want to write something amazing. I want to write something beyond my own capabilities, something I could be proud of. I want to manipulate the English Language so beautifully, the elite would be the only select few to understand it. I want to be the creator of something so marvelous, so exclusive, it would take essay's to explain.

I guess I'm just tired of being the created. I desire more. It's within me to want more. It's an innate, tangible object that's only real to me. I know what is forbidden to know. Its the forbidden love that's killed the elite. Its the forbidden that's been detrimental to the future of so many. None have been able to attain it without a precious cost. Too many have concluded the cost to be worth it. But is it?

Am I alone in this agony of consistent Fear and Trembling? Am I in solitude for a future in plasticity? To long for ignorance is the root of all evil, the forbidden tree. I desire to be Adam, the man prior to the fall, prior to intellect. I find awareness to be worth too much. I find philosophy, syllogisms, logistic accuracy worthless without the essence of pure, undefiled purpose.

Who cares if A=C, so long as I enjoy life, right?
A can equal whatever it wants to, as long as I can be whatever I want to.

And yet, its the issue of questioning, of writing this exact blog that I desire so much to run away from.

People pt 2

People will disappoint you. They will make mistakes. They will be wrong to the nth degree. They will hurt your feelings. They will fail you. They wont meet your standards. They will be stubborn. They wont want to cooperate. They will make your life so much harder. They will make you doubt yourself. They wont love you enough to change.

Thats life.

Be different. Love them when they dont deserve it. Forgive them when you dont want to.

Thats christianity. Live it.

There was once a Nation

Freedom. Liberty. The ability to move forward without the intervention of the State.

Its a Shame that Success and wealth are now CRIMINAL in the eyes of the Liberal Democrats. Its a shame that being "rich" is now looked down upon. Its a shame that we've lost all sense of unity. Its a Shame the People no longer have the power.

There was once a nation that fought, died, committed acts of treason only to later get beheaded for the right of Freedom, for the right to live a life apart from the government.

There was once a nation that held itself together by the bonds and relationships of the People, not the secret meetings of Politicians, that was aware of the treachery of Tyranny, that never allowed itself back to Kings and Queens.

Its a shame that, as I protest, as I lift my banners and scream out my slogans of Justice and Freedom, I am looked at as nothing more than a lunatic who doesn't know the facts. I remember learning about those who protested, those who fought against the treachery of the Federal Government, with awe and inspiration to be actively apart of the war between the People and them.

You were once a hero to stand, to fight, to go against all odds, to support Freedom rather than Equality.

This new Health Care "reform" is JUST like the other Government Programs: It deters people from actually PURSUING happiness, from ACHIEVING anything. Why work when the government will take care of you?

Democrats, Liberals, Be afraid. November IS coming. The End Is Near for all of you who chose to IGNORE the voice of the people.

The Memoirs I wish I could Write Page 2

But, its a start.

To tell you the truth, I don't know what will happen when I'm done with it all. I really don't know why I'm writing. I really don't know why I'm doing anything at all. I just do. And hope that, in the end, it will all make sense. I guess you could call my life a type of "collage," pieces of mistakes, truths, and flaws placed in an unorganized or unrecognizable manner, that when looked upon too closely, its simply scattered nonsense, but when looked from afar, beauty incarnate.

I've lost friends. Yet, I move on.
I've lost loves. Yet, I move on.

The real question, though, is not whether things make sense in the end, but why I moved on, and from what.

I don't claim to have all the answers, as one with experience. Experience does NOT mean truth. I've experienced too many fatal flaws for something as fragile and black and white as truth to be contingent upon it.

I look at certain individuals in my life, and ask myself "What if everything worked out, and what if my life were as easy and as simple as theirs seems to be?" I definitely wouldn't be who I am today. I definitely wouldn't be as Lost as I am today. I definitely wouldn't strive as much as I do today, or be as determined or passionate to succeed as I am today.

They know nothing but success. But I know failure. I know flaws. I know mistakes. I know darkness. This is what makes me, me. As a result, I guess I appreciate Success, Perfection, Flawlessness, and Good a whole lot more.

Their virgin ego is nothing more than idiocracy. They know nothing of life.

I've consistently had to ask myself if Life was worth living for, and What is li-

Page 2

People

''Love can be so offensive sometimes. I mean, your compelling me to change everything i've ever known, while risking not being loved back. Sure, I want change, if it means me remaining the same! I dont want to change, but you definately need to, rude! I mean, you dont know me at all, jerk! How dare you ask me to love people.''

This is too often our attitude towards the love God asks of us.


Grace: the power to do what God commands of us.

LOVE.

Etude le Repete

So, that's pretty much my attempt to be francaise. Doesn't really work out, eh?

Nonetheless, I've become a ball of passion, enraging with fire and brimstone, floating upon the heavens as a feather plucked from the most celestial bird. Maybe I'm getting to close to the sun. But thats what makes it so exuberant, so desirable.

Sacrificial love is on the menu, "Tonight's Special" so laid out in big red letters. And yet, I feel as though the only letter upon my body is of scarlet origin. I mean, who am I, really?

I've come to answer this question about forty times four times. And I believe I've come to a sufficient answer, but I think that, finding an answer, is exactly what I'm afraid of. Life wouldn't be filled with the suspense, the lingering emotion of fear and trembling that calls my name in a whisper through the void night awaiting dawn. I don't want to remain stagnant.

I threw a penny into a fountain, and as most, I wished for satisfaction, for happiness. But after a few moments of reconsideration, I decided to find a dime (its worth more, so it beat out my penny wish) and wish to never be satisfied, to never be whole. I always want to be filling the cup, never to be overflowing. I always want to get deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and deeper. This is the joy of eternity for me. I never want Glorious and Divine Satisfaction in Heaven, I want the kingdom to be filled with a cup that is never done being poured into. I want to be that cup that constantly is being poured into, and is given the opportunity to pour into others, without stopping. I want to take "Don't//Stop" into eternity.

Humanity has the huge desire to "Quench Thirsts," to "Get their Satisfaction," to enjoy Pure, Virgin Bliss.

And yet, I find myself to be extremely existential in my desire for pure, unadulterated, eternal emptiness that is constantly being filled, again, and again, and again. Never to remain filled. But to be filled over and over and over and over and over.

They say eternity exists in a single period (.) , and I think I agree.

Who am I?

To reiterate a simple statement from my previous post: To endure is what it means to be me.

I've come to the realization that there will never be enough time for bi-partisan cooperation within myself. My spirit will never be able to cooperate with my flesh. My flesh will never compromise its never-ending journey to pull me down. For the last few weeks, I've been attempting to compromise, to cooperate with them both. If I give a little, I lose a little. And, for a few weeks, I was okay with that. I mean, how harmful could it be?

So, what was this compromise? What was this dirty little sin? Indifference.

I saw individuals, I saw people, and I judged them, and I decided that it was easier for me to simply NOT care. And guess what. It was easier to not care. It was too easy to just forget all about it, to run away from it, and to pretend it didn't exist.

But, I've come to the awareness that that's called being "lukewarm."

Am I calling myself a lukewarm Christian? No. I am saying, though, that I have gone through a dry-spell, and after pressing in, praying, and fasting, divine revelation has emerged to successfully reveal in me a need to "endure."

Love is a war. Its a fight to truly Love the people who've hurt you the most. And I've made the decision to remain myself, and to endure, and love. No matter what anyone thinks.

"Wait, you FORGAVE him? But he hurt you so badly!"

I'm sorry, you can be miserable on your own. I'm going to endure. =]