The Memoirs I wish I could write. Page 45

And we ran. We started out towards her house, but she led me again to the park. “No, not-“ I couldn’t return to the park, again.

“Trust me. Just tonight.” I could barely hear her. The wind was rushing against our faces so quickly all sound became numb to my ears.

That was the moment I can now say that I was happy.

We continued running, but my heart begin to grow cold, knowing that no matter how far we would go, or how fast we would run, tomorrow would still arrive.

“Jane, hold on.” I panted. We were running so fast, my legs finally caught up with us. “I, I can’t go on.”

And with a grin on her face, she tackled me onto the grass beneath us. And we simply began to laugh, together rememberi-

Page 45

19 in 14

I'll be 19 years old in 14 days.

The last year I'll claim "Teenager." Am I satisfied with how I've lived my teenage life? Am I content with who I am and where I'm going?


Well, I'll definitely say that its been a wild adventure. Intensity, depression, brokenness, hopelessness, and unforgiveness. But that's not even where the adventure begins...

It was the moment I decided that depression was beneath me, that Christ was the solution, that my Hope was in God, and that I was able to move past the mountain called "Unforgiveness" when my life took a turn for "Adventure-dom"

Am I satisfied with my teenage years? No. There are still too many souls, too many persons who hold "hope" as simply a childhood pleasure. I will not slow down, I will not back up, I will not be shaken. There's still a City that "shall be saved." There's still a City waiting, calling, hoping for an ear that'll listen to them, a voice to speak for them, an eye that will see them.

Their waiting for us to tell them about God, the solution.

I've spent the majority of my teenage years doing Kingdom Work.

I'd rather be able to say "I did EVERYTHING I could" at death than "I wish I did..."

19 is just a reminder that time is fleeting to ensure everyone I come in contact with follows me through the pearly gates. 19 is my number. What's yours?

I Am, but He Is.

I have been rather hesitant to make this rather public in risk of it being dismissed as simply an emotional reaction to a dead world. I cannot make it clearer than this: It is not. I have made a rather conscious, logical decision based on personal revelation. (By personal revelation, I simply mean that I've become aware of the issue, and am now bold enough to face it.)

The Problem: I Am.

Such a fragile freedom is placed upon the individual that becomes aware of such a truth. But more so, such a feeling of anguish and responsibility. To become aware of your own existence, and the responsibility that nothing, no-thing, and no-one, can tell me otherwise, or sway my decisions, feelings, or actions is... inexpressible.

The Solution: He Is.

God is above all I's, above all issues, problems, mountains, dead-ness. He is above all. He is my king. Rather than praying "I need", "What do You need?"

My Decision:

My goal in every breath that I borrow, in every moment "I Am", I consciously choose to make every effort at attempting to know Him better. I will fail. I will fall. I will take the life of pleasure. But in every step I take on the Wide Path, I will recollect the awareness I've received, and become redirected onto the Path less traveled.

I step to the sound of His Victory Drum.
I sing to the song of His choosing.
I think to the words of His lips.

I Am, but He Is.